Yakuza Moon by Shoko Tendo

Suddenly, a flashback came into my mind, the dark one, during my readings of Yakuza Moon : Memoirs of A Gangsters Daughter. The book really touched me. Miss Shoko knew how to expressed her memoirs in chronology. The story was very honest. I wish I could sit down, hold her hand and talk to Miss Shoko on how I cried when I read on what really happened to her pretty face.

Shoko Tendo - the author of Yakuza Moon

I couldn't say more. Her writing made me feel like I was the one who born in era of the Yanki. With those speed, sex abusive, fight and financial problems among family, Miss Shoko was very honest when she came into writing from her childhood time until she divorced. For me, when she was hit by 2 guys that claimed her as their lover. No, lover won't to that to their partner T___T 

It reminded me on the darkest side of my life. I feel her very deep. Being hit until almost dead. Being punched, kicked in the stomach and things thrown to her. The way she bleed, the sore eyes, choked, totally made me cry reading it. I believe, it is just not me had to experienced such pain. Miss Shoko had it worst than me. Yes, I cried...

She is one strong lady with thousand experiences in her life. Apart of being hit by her lover, she also involved in a fight. She did drugs and addicted to it. This is a highly recommended book to be read. I really enjoy with the book. The story ended with my deepest condolence to Miss Shoko and family for the lost of their father due to cancer. I hope Mr.Daiki, Miss Maki, Miss Shoko and Miss Na-chan gain their happiness and wealth in whatever they're up to now.

The story was originally published on 2004. It has been 12 years now. I really hope to read about another part of her life. A good reading. For some youngsters who wants to know more about life, take it. 

Am I Being Too Soft..?

Maybe, I was too kind to everyone until they thought that I'm ok with everything. No, I'm not actually... I'm not a living doll, I have feelings too, I have fatigue too, I'm sleepy too when I'm tired. Is there anything that is similar to other human being that I don't have..?

This entry is regarding the thing that I've been pushed towards my limit where I can't do that actually but I was being forced to swallow it everyday. I'm not a robot where u can programmed me and I will do everything in order and accordingly. It is a crazy thing to think that I have all the knowledge and energy, meanwhile, other people just sit down, watch and receive their rewards for what I did before.

Help me from my crazy life. They see me like I'm a computer. Give so much input and expecting I will make things happen, in one time. I'm tired of my life... Give me a break, give me a time for my self. Don't call me if that thing is not necessary for me to do it. Call them, call others, they might help if they were given orders to do it so. It's not only me...

I hope they'll understand. That I'm not supposed to being rude. I'm being soft all the time to others. When I speak, they will shout back and ignore me. That's ok with me. Ok until I run away from everyone, just don't ask me why. Because I'm tired with u, I'm tired with everyone being fake. And I'm tired of being pushed into limit.

From,

A disappointed, tired, sad, angry, sleepy and helpless person...

Caribou Island - David Vann

Read me!

First of all, I bought this book in Big Bad Wolf and it is a good book to read. If u wanna learn more about Alaska, reading this book is a must. Its all about Alaska. Bears, winter, Skilak Lake, tuna and so on. Rather than a family conflict, I've learnt a lot about Alaska more than anything. But overall, the story is full with beautiful literature from the writer. I just love it when I read certain paragraphs for a few times just to understand what was actually the meaning of it.

Caribou Island is about a family with full of regrets in their life. They regrets with their relationship, marriage and the family itself. There are a few emotional situations in the story that punched my heart off. I can't help myself to sank into sadness when it came to the end of the story. The ending was so surprised. Because they regrets with each other... 

I love the cabin, only if Greg built it properly. I love when they went to fishing and I can imagine myself on the boat with them. I can feel the coldness of the lake when Irene had to get into it. But I can also feel the pain in Irene especially when it nearly killed her. I just hate Jim, Rhoda's boyfriend for a long time ago for screwing up their relationship. And Mark, I really can't understand what life was he was living. The whole family, Greg, Irene, Rhoda and Mark had their own dream. And they also need to face their reality. 

Honestly, I read this book for about a few months to understand the beauty of Alaska. And the emotional side of the book made me think on what had happened to me before. David Vann had written something that touched me inside. I would recommend who loves to read the reality bites in relationship to read this book. Thank you for the author for this beautiful life experiences.

RSVP : Ujian DRAC 2

Alhamdulillah. Dapat teruskan lagi perjuangan dalam usaha nak mendapatkan jawatan di DBKL. I pun sebenarnya tak sangka boleh lepas Ujian DRAC 1 yang diadakan pada tahun lepas. Calon pun ada lebih kurang 800 orang... 

Hari Isnin lepas baru I dapat surat panggilan untuk ke ujian seterusnya. Nervous nya bukan main. The test consist of Public Speaking. Allah... Dah lama tak buat presentation, harap lidah ni masih lancar menyebutnya. I dah nekad, nak beli suratkhabar berbahasa Inggeris sahaja. In case of they ask me to present on any current issues. I hope I can speak well.

I pun tak berapa faham maksud surat yang berkenaan dengan 'analitikal' dan 'persembahan' tu. Adakah calon akan berlakon berada dalam mesyuarat ke macam mana? Kalau masa ambik MUET dulu memang ada grouping punya presentation. Dapat situation dan bercakap. Dah macam-macam dalam otak ni. Nervous punyalah tebal... 

In shaa Allah, berkemungkinan besar Sayang lagi akan setia menjadi peneman I. Untuk calon lain, jangan lupa satu perkara, kita yang perempuan ni kena pakai kasut hitam tau, kot terlupa, cuma secebis reminder. Apa pun, good luck untuk semua yang terlibat. And me too!

Doakan I dapat ke peringkat temuduga pulak ye :)

Period Ketika Bersukan Air

Siapa pernah??? I sendiri pernah mengalami. Waktu tu I betul-betul period bila tiba di pulau. Hati tu resah je, sesuai ke nak snorkeling walaupun tengah period? Tak bocor ke nanti bila dalam air? Malunya, segannya, tapi, sayang pulak rasa kalau nak quit. Sebab pakej dah bayar. Rugi kan... Dengan rasa kental jiwa, I tetap teruskan aktiviti dan siap mandi manda lagi.

Sila rujuk pada artikel di bawah :

As a dive instructor, I receive countless questions from my students. Over time, the same types of questions seem to reoccur. One of the most common recurring questions I get as a female instructor, relates to “that special time of the month”.

Is it ok to go scuba diving on my period?

These days, I can answer the question before it has even been asked. The scenario is always similar. Generally, during one of the first breaks on a dive course, a slightly awkward looking female will corner me one on one. I often feel like a doctor. The nervous female will precede her question with often graphic gynaecological details of her menstrual cycle, followed by “so, is it safe to dive?”

The simple answer to this question is yes, it is perfectly safe to dive on your period. Diving whilst menstruating should not be any cause for concern, provided that normal exercise does not increase your menstrual symptoms. So, simply go about it in your normal way, such as if you were going for a swim. If you are at all concerned about your personal circumstances, do ensure you consult with your GP prior to making your mind up.

Will sharks attack me if I dive on my period?

So that’s the simple answer to the simple question. However, I often find that the simple question masks the real question. What the real question should be is “will I get attacked by sharks if I dive when I’m menstruating?”. The answer to the real question is no! For starters, the chances of being attacked by a shark in any case is so minuscule that you should assume it is nil. From the small amount of shark attack data in existence, there is simply nothing to support the fact that menstruation increases your chances of being attacked. Contrary to popular misconception, sharks are just not that interested in human blood. Studies have been conducted to show that sharks appear curious, but not aggressive when human blood is in the water. In fact, sharks are more attracted to fish gastric juices, rather than fish blood, such as a fish that has been attacked, is dying or injured and leaking gastric juices.

In any case, the amount of blood loss due to menstruation is very small, only a few millimetres of blood a day, with the majority of fluid loss being water and uterine lining cells. Furthermore, most females will find that their period actually stops during their dive; the vaginal opening stays closed and the increase in ambient pressure would stop any potential fluids from leaking.

As a dive professional, I dived every day of the month throughout the year, and you will find that most other female divers also dive continually, whether during their periods or not. Some studies suggest that scuba diving while menstruating may increase a diver’s chance of decompression sickness, but I suspect this may be more to do with fluid loss and dehydration, so I’d advise to dive conservatively and always stay fully hydrated when diving on your period. But, whether on your period or not, I’d always say you should dive conservatively and stay fully hydrated when diving!

Finally, some evidence does suggest that surfers who periodically urinate in their wetsuits may have a higher chance of shark attack than those who do not, although the odds are still statistically minuscule. So, the bottom line is, you are more likely to be attacked from urinating in your wetsuit, whether male or female, than you are from menstruating!

So there you have it. There’s no excuse to stay dry during your time of the month!

Artikel bertajuk Girlie Talk - diving on your period ini telah ditulis oleh Janine a.k.a J9 untuk divebuzz.com

Secara ringkasnya, janganlah kita, gegerl-gegerl ni risau bila berada di dalam air untuk aktiviti snorkeling atau scuba atas sebab-sebab yang dah dinyatakan oleh J9 diatas. Memang period, tapi darah yang keluar hanyalah sedikit dalam masa sehari dan bukanlah sebanyak yang kita sangka dan tekanan di dalam air akan menghentikan apa-apa untuk mengalir keluar. Haaaa, ayat pasor je ni I bagi. Hehehe! Takpelah asalkan faham.

Oklah, sekadar berkongsi. Nak lagi lanjut, bolehlah terus ke website diatas ye. Bagi I, ini ialah perkongsian yang  bagus sebab tak semua gegerl-gegerl di luar sana yang tau pasal ni. In shaa Allah akan ada lagi perkongsian yang I akan kongsikan. Berapa banyak kongsi daaaaaa...~

Sumber gambar : http://www.womenontheirway.com/wyndham-wisdom/scuba-diving-trips/

p.s. Terima kasih kepada Admin untuk group Muslimah Divers yang telah berkongsi artikel yang sangat bagus ni. 

Made By Saz : Goodies For Reunion KYPM - UiTM Perintis

I've decided to make my own goodies for this event, with a purposed. So that I don'y have to cook as my cooking skill does not meet any caterers requirement because the taste is not as good as others. Haha! My DIY skills are better than cooking, I guess. So, this is it! My simple goodies bag :)

At first, I wanted to do a candy buffet but when the participants were only plenty of us, I thought of better preparing the goodies bag for them. Easy for them to bring them home. They won't eat at the venue because there would be so many foods clinging on the buffet table. And it will be wasted. The time limit also don't allowed me to prepare the buffet. I have something on during the week and I couldn't prepare for the materials. Too bad for me. But I promise, I'll do the candy buffet or sweet treats in some other time and for sure, I'll post here.

The whole bag is sooooo yummy~

My most favorite stuff to do for the goodies bag was the 'dottie cuppies'. What I need was only the marshmallows, the polka dot's cup, small plastic bag and wires. Other than that, I just need to put them in a bag and organized it well. The others are Mini Snickers Bar, 2 spiral lollipops and Ribena drink.

Aren't they cute?!

My dottie cuppies are ready now! Hihi

I bought all the items in Seremban. For the marshmallows, Ribena drinks, Snickers and lollipops you can get them from Hoe Hin Confectionery Sdn. Bhd (in front of Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Kelana and Centrepoint). They'll give you all range of foods that can be buy in bulk. From sweets to drinks and you can mix them up in your party pack. Actually, there are lots of food that I wanted to buy here but, be calm, Samani! Hahaha.

Love them!

For the cup and small plastic, I got it from Rakan in Senawang. And the prices are good, for DIY, rather than you buy it ready-made. I am so into this DIY thing and I love going to this kinda shop. Where they sell multi sizes of plastics, cuppies and even for decorations. As for the paper bags, Mydin would always be my choice. So, we have everything here in Seremban. Why travel far? Hahaha~

Spotted Ain with Auntie Wanie's spiral lollipop :)
Picture courtesy of Yulie.

TTC Abbreviations Yang Biasa Digunakan Dalam Perbualan Seharian

Ahha, pernah tak baca ruangan forum untuk TTC atau segerombolan geng TTC macam I ni berborak sesama sendiri? Dan, u all faham tak dengan bahasa-bahasa yang diorang keluarkan secara ringkas tu? Selalunya kalau dalam blog rakan-rakan TTC ade guna juga bahasa ni. Macam biasa, akan ada yang tanya maksud itu ini. Orang kata apa tu, short-form haaaa gitulah. So, untuk mengelakkan kekeliruan I cubalah jugak leraikan kebuntuan tu ye. I don't have the full list of the TTC abbreviations but I hope this plenty words might help you. 

2WW - 2 weeks wait (tempoh menunggu untuk ujian kehamilan)

AF - Aunt Flow (period)

BBT - Basal Body Temperature

BD - Baby dance (sex/intercourse)

BFN - Big Fat Negative (Not Pregnant/Tidak Hamil)

BFP - Big Fat Positive (Pregnant/Hamil)

CD - Cycle Day (diikuti nombor, cth : CD1 ialah hari pertama period)

CM - Cervical mucus

CO - Cervical opening

CP - Cervical position
D&C -  Dilation and curettage (untuk orang keguguran)

DH - Dear husband / darling husband :)

DPO - Day past ovulation

DTD - Do the deed (sex/intercourse)

ECM or EWCM - Eggwhite cervical mucus (ada waktu paling subur)

EDD - Estimated due date

EPO - Evening Primrose Oil

FMU - First morning urine

HPT - Home pregnancy test

HSG - HysteroSalpingoGram

ICSI - Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection

IUI - Intrauterine insemination

IVF - In vitro Fertilization

LMP - Last menstrual period

LP - Luteal phase (sama dengan DPO)

MC - Miscarriage

O - Ovulation

OHSS - Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (komplikasi dari sesetengah rawatan kesuburan)

OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kits

PCOS - Polycystic ovary syndrome 

POAS - Pee on a stick (pregnancy test)

RU - Retroverted uterus

TVS - Transvaginal scan

I budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan. Ni je yang mampu terlintas dalam kepala ni sekarang. Kalau ada lagi dan ada yang tersalah maksud tolong betulkan I. Harapnya kawan-kawan TTC (Trying To Conceive) boleh gunanya sebagai panduan untuk berborak nanti. In shaa Allah, abbreviations ni universal. Masuk mana-mana forum pun diorang guna yang sama jugak. 

Ok kalau ada silap sila tinggalkan komen anda.

Terima kasih :)

Ingat tau!

Kahwin Oh Yeah : Wedding Rentals Yang Best!

Ehehe, saje je ngajak join DIY sekali walaupun pelamin I tak jadi buat sendiri (sobs! sobs! *nanges*) sebab Mama taknak memeningkan kepala dia dan kepala I. Seriously, I was like, a lightning strike on my head and my brain was all came out from my skull and it burnt until 95% and smells like overcooked steak and it was considered as 3rd degree burnt :'(( This is how I felt when Mama told me to proceed with hiring Abang Ikmal for my wedding dais. Still, the passion of having my own dais I keep tight inside my soul. Ehhh, merepek kesedihan macam ni, hakikatnya memang camnilah I rasa.

Ada 2 blog yang mengusik jiwa raga gelora nafsu serakah I semualah. Terima kasih Kokpin dengan review dari Instagram beliau yang I cilok ni. This is so great! Kalau tau minah ni ade buat rental macam ni takdelah I kelam kabut sangat sampai Mama decided, "Dah, dah jangan serabut, kita suruh orang buat je," redho. Walaupun I tau takkan capai kriteria yang I nak.

First of all, I suka sangat page Something Borrowed by Nawal ni. Try aje click, malas nak cerita panjang, baik tengok sendiri dan kaji sendiri. Siap ada polisi dan harga yang diberi. Better u all check dulu dan siapkan kalkulator, nanti senang la calculate benda apa yang sebenarnya u all perlukan. I have all that on mind, tapi.... Ok taknak teruskan! By the way, it located in Putrajaya.

Suka kan? Suka kan? Kan?

Secondly, to the Weddings Board page we go. This more to vintages items. Not in my interests list but still it catches my attention when I first saw its website. Cool one, it even more guiding u on inspirations as they've posted in their blog, an I was like, whoa! Cantik, cantik, apakan daya, it doesn't suits well with my theme. My brother's wedding, perhaps. I'll think of it later, let the Kakak pass through first ok lil' bro :) More info, do visit them and their location is in Puchong. 

I just love the suitcase!

Good luck to all B2Bs ! 

30-days

I cant' wait to be like this :)

Nope, we're not counting months now but DAYS. I was lying down and dreaming on how the beautiful ceremony will be in 30 days. In this short of time there are things should be done to smoothen the wedding day. It was only yesterday when I first met him. It was only yesterday when he proposed. And it was only yesterday when we quarreled a bit, on who supposed to call first :)

It's not only on how the wedding will be held but what will happen to our life when we had tie the knot. It kept running here in my adrenaline since a few months back. We have to balanced up both families, without hurting anyone. The time we spend together will be longer, it can be as long as 48 hours during the weekend. This is what we always talk about, we want to spend each second to compliment, to help, to accompany and to love each other in the most beautiful place in this world, our own Palace of Happiness. 

In this 30 days, we'll keep on falling in love to each other, and will keep counting till our last breath. Trust me, dear, there will be obstructions, hurdles, constraints, obstacles and whatever they've called it, I want to overcome it with u, only u. Give me your protection and held your arms around me to keep me away from the thunderstorm.

Today is November 28th and in only 30 days we will getting married. Photographer, caterings, wedding dais, wedding gifts, door gifts, wedding dress and the most important are the forms that should be completed on our big day, later. We are preparing ourselves to distribute cards to all guests. This is also the time for us to settle down our bills, accordingly. From my side, I need to struggle on my headscarf, wedding dais, cards and door gifts. In addition, my house also needs to be clean and paint to brighten up the dim house.

I can feel the adrenaline rushed. How do I look on that day. How many beautiful people will surround me. How am I going to smile to them. How if my teardrops fall. How am I going to wear Henna. How good the food will be. And I've got soooo many HOW in my head now.. I am nervous and I have cold sweat now in this aircond room.

This is funny, in 30 days, call me Mrs.Hafizi :)

Kahwin Oh Yeah : Wedding Invitation Card

Things gone wild! I'm busying myself to deal with my wedding day's arrangement. Got lots of stuffs to be done and a few things to be taken care of. The bride is the busiest person ever just to make things work as per planned. Oh no, no wedding planner involved in this wedding story and I did it all with my own effort. Lucky u, Sayang, to be the groom, where everything is done in a blink. Without knowing what is happening on earth while he is counting months and days towards his BIG Day. Pfffttt...

I didn't held a big ceremony, just a simple yet lovely solemnization for closed-relatives and friends. Together with the groom's side, our guests are limited. So, I've decided to handicraft my own wedding invitation cards! Hoi, got so much time to do all this stuffs? When I want it, then I'll do it. The purpose of the card just to invite relatives and friends, precisely, enclosing the direction to my mum's 'Palace of Happiness'. Hahaha, when normal people think,

"... you just print out the map, or just state its GPS, or just send an address and prepare road signs a day before the ceremony..", 

That is such a.. LAZY-ASS! And this Do-It-Yourself wedding invitation card came out of my blue. They twinkle up in my mind as I woke up that rainy Sunday morning. Let's see what is in my mind...

Craft papers
I found a few, in Popular (my footsteps led me here everytime I went to Jusco) and it stucked in my head. Need to go there and buy them before they gone. Who knows, other people might steal my I-DE-A. Whoops!

Ribbon, lace and diamonds
Can't wait to shop for them. I'm having a few at home but I need more. Let me use them first as a prototype. Lucky me, my mum is so into all this. So she kept a few good pretty little things and will be using it.

This is it.

Decorative tapes
Rather than buttons, I simply said that decorative tapes are my choice.

Where can I get those in Malaysia??

Nice fonts
Its not that hard to find some nice and beautiful fonts. I used to downloaded from Dafont but thank you to this building that officially had denied the access to my favorite fonts' site. Grrrrrrr~

Photoshop
Would someone give me this software so that I can install it in my laptop. Puh-leassseeeee (T_T). Or else, Microsoft Publisher would be my last choice. Nevermind, I'll figure it out later.

Printer
I don't need big and futuristic printer. The B&W printer can do. Not gonna do extreme printing, one copy from the printer and I'll photocopy it.

Some creativity that burst inside my head!
Google Search helps me a lot with this creative ideas. A little information that I can share here is, www.weddingbee.com. Not gonna tell u what's inside here but I really appreciate what I saw in this website. Find them, u'll see through my eyes.

Lots of stuffs, huh. Pheww~

Yeah, simple one!

**Make things as simple as u can think, as cheaper as u can afford and as pretty as your eyes can see it. No one can stop u from dreaming in a fantasy land that you built with love and happiness.**

:)

Read 'Em : Body Drama

After the 'My Ex Boyfriend Wrote A Book About Me', I managed to read Body Drama in a bus while travelling from Seremban to Penang. A lot of them! This book is totally awesome. If you really had your chance to read this book, go on till its last page. You'll find 'yourself' and understand what is really happening to your body all this while.

The cover of the book.

Sorry girls, its not about the censored or uncensored matters of stories but it explained about our reality bites. That happened and nothing to be shame off unless you tell people about your private stuffs. The book did showed pictures of everything about girls. Yeah, at least you'll learn that not everybody is perfect. Not you also. The author was telling real stories and her experiences, though. After reading it then you'll wondering, and sometimes, you can't resist to talk to yourself. I never be ashamed of reading this drama. Its happening in you, too! Just don't lie about your problems. Just read.

Body Drama's contents were thoroughly explaining on a few main point for girls. They were skin, body shape, boobs (uwwweeee!), down there (seriously?!), hair and nails. A few issues were discussed and it came with answers. No kidding girls, I'm addicted. Totally happy and excited to read about myself. The best part was the author used simple English so we can understand it well. No extreme words in there and she even taught on how to pronunciate a few scientific terms. Phew, what more to tell. Enough said, its worth buying and reading. Good one to lead girls towards healthy living and bright future. No one will ever frightened on any abnormalities of their body, shape or even boobs!

Some of the contents

This book is one of my Big Bad Wolf's books. More more more to come for me to review in the books. Yerp, I'll finish reading them. But only time will tell hahaha. Still few of them and don't expect me to finish it up in a month! And I still read, like no tomorrow.

My favorite book, so far. Gonna keep it safe for my future reference.

Agree!

Kahwin Oh Yeah : Wedding Diary

Move a step forward. I present to u, The Wedding Diary of Fizi & Wanie. I think one day I should be a writer. An author of a book. Because, I've wrote a few journals and some short stories about my entire life. Since I was in school. Astaghfirullah, this is too much. Let us just read about what I wrote in FiziWanie's wedding journey. Never imitate people, just stick on our own way of writing.

Love it :)

Ignore my bad handwriting

I'm thinking of bring this diary out to everywhere we go. Whenever we have appointments or things to buy and price to pay. It is all stated in the diary. Sounds childish. But I bet none of you can ever remember perfectly on every single item about anything you were planned for. There must be something missing here and there. Therefore, the diary is here. With us, and we wrote everything in it. About general matters on our wedding and some details on each item we planned. 

Handy :)

I know, every brides and grooms went crazily concerned on their details of wedding solemnization and reception. Even they hired their own wedding planner, they would still keep some little reference for themselves, in case of they missed something that might be important in the ceremony. 

Trust me, everyone has their own judgement or opinion or point of view. So do us. This is our voice, that we wrote. We keep thorough information in it and easy for us to refer at anytime. I was thinking to keep it in one of our smartphone's application, or any. Unfortunately, there were some obstacles that prevent us from doing it so. The result, nahhh! And we are happy to write anything we want. From caterers to door gifts to MUA to dais and even the guests. Did I forgot to mention photographer? Oh, videographer. There are more! 

Again, ignore my handwriting :p There goes my bookmark

My Photo Journal

I've observed a few sites that gave service on photo blogging. As per mentioned before, I love to capture moments, I love those picture editing works and I love people to see what I saw. I don't see any of the websites that gave me satisfaction as Multiply did before. I found Multiply had gave me so much spaces and easy-accessed website as it comprises a few sharing applications on it. 

For now, the best photo blog for me to upload all my pictures is Flickr. I did used them before but I found it doesn't show those user-friendly attitude towards me and of course, I hate COMPLICATED things for me to use. But still, I don't have any option on it. Seriously, I'm not gonna upload it on my FB. I want things to be more privacy, where, only certain people can access my photos.

Give me some photo-blog's website for me to upload those pictures that are so precious for me. Multiply had closed their operations and moved to other website. It meant by, my photos in it were all gone. Where I got a few good photos to be saved, supposedly. 

Come check my Flickr.com/fizwanie (I named it after Fizi & Wanie, a collaboration). Dear, I've lost my editing touch, or  maybe I still need my Photoshop software in here to polish my skills. Photoscape is for basic editing only and I can't do some editing in it. Boring....

Dissatisfied!

I still need to adjust a few things before uploading pictures on it... 

Gagal Lagi

Ini bukan pengakhiran segalanya. Ye, I gagal lagi Peperiksaan PTD. Bukan rezeki I tahun ni. Allah nak gantikan yang lebih hebat untuk I. Sepatutnya keputusan adalah pada 17 Mei 2013 tapi pihak SPA yang melanjutkan pada 23 Mei 2013. Ok, lepas I balik Redang baru result keluar.

Selepas ni keputusan temuduga PPT Gred N27 pulak. Apalah nasib badan. Segala keputusan I redha. Allah lebih mengerti. Insya Allah baik semuanya aturan dari Allah. Insya Allah akan cuba lagi tahun depan. Pantang anak Melayu mengundur mengalah. Hahaha mulalah ayat manis segala keluar. 

But seriously, I don't feel upset on my exam's result because I know, Allah loves me and He wants me to struggle more. There are always chances for me to reach higher in my life. With the power of PRAYER, I will try my very best to enhance my knowledge and skills to achieve good results, each year.  

Siap bukti ni I letak okeh

Mari kita tunggu pulak result PPT Gred N27. Dengar cerita interview dijalankan secara nationwide, selama 1 bulan lebih lamanya. Allah, kalau ikut memang tak ada harapan. Macam-macam rumors keluar, panggil beribu, perjawatan mungkin 60 sahaja. Hahaha, tu semualah nak menjadikan kita down. No, jangan ye kawan-kawan.

Tunggu dan lihat. Tapi yang penting,

REDHA...

Welcome Home, Sayang

It's been a while since you've been away from me. I've waited patiently and prayed for u to come back to me. And my pray was granted. Sayang reached Seremban on Friday night! After all the misses, I hold back his hand again, he hold me on his arms again. Warm, as usual. Oh, how I missed him so. We've been into an argument before. I know I never gonna meet him that night. But he really fulfilled his words to come back to me. And, can't even stop smiling all night long..

First impression when I saw his face, "he looks absolutely tanned!" because he worked direct under the sun. No sunblocks, no roofs, no umbrellas and nothing to cover him up in the middle of the paddy field in Tanjung Karang. His body, his tummy in details, lucky, it remain on how it looked from the day he went away.  Fuh... Overall, he slightly lost his weight but only a bit, not as much as I always taught.

The hair became longer. I just love the looks. I want his hair to like that, like forever. But I know, he must go to work in proper attire. Clean cut hair with good clothes. He also lost his fair skin. Still, I love him, no prejudice. In either way, in either color, in either size. As long as he is still my Sayang, I still love him, for him. No other else. 

Speechless and no words can speak my heart out. Only pictures worth a thousand words for me to describe him in my own thoughts..

I love you, Sayang! 

Sebelum rambut ditarah!

Kesian.. nak keje kena potong! 

Things I Bring In My Handbag

• Versace Bright Crystal Perfume - I can't leave my handbag without it. It protects be from bad smell all the time, as I have a problems with my body odor which, it is not a normal thing at all. I love this smell, since it being introduced to me by my junior in UiTM Segamat. Thank you, Zira baby :)

• Maybelline 625 'Are You Red-Dy' Lipstick - So red! The color suits me well although it s red. When I'm down without my make up, I put some red into my lips and, nahhhh, me looks so fresh hahahaha! This is one of my beauty secret. Try 'em!

• Roxy wallet - Whoaaaaaaa, my most most most most most important thingy that should be clingy in my baggie. Hahaha it fulls of everything like, money money money, my id, my license, my appointment card, my debit card, my tailor's receipt, my membership card, my pictures, my coins, my bla bla bla.. The heaviest stuff inside my bag is my wallet. Aaaaaaaaa~

I used to have them in red! Sayangggggg

• Nail clipper - Important, you won't know when u gonna need it. I need it all the time. 

• Pen - "Hello, I'm Samani and this is my number..." kinda message to write and to put on someone's windscreen. Is it necessary? Bluwekkkk. *habislahkenamarahdenganboiprensebabtuliscamni* kuikuikuikuikuikui

• Reading glass - Oh, my eyes, they both are farsighted! Hate wearing it but sometimes I need 'em so bad as I couldn't read well. Any cure for this kind of sickness. Is it SICK? Yes, I always loves to read :)

• Novel, or any books - Ask him! I always have my books at least one book in my bag. To avoid myself from being bored of anything around me. 

Allah Kata Belum Lagi

Mainan perasaan tak mungkin dapat kita lawan sedangkan kita sendiri tau yang lain orang lainlah dugaan yang Allah turunkan. Kadang-kadang hati tetap berkata, kenapa, kenapa, kenapa... Bila tersedar barulah diungkap Alhamdulillah. Selalu lalai, selalu lupa. 

Hati meronta melihat kebahagiaan orang lain. Tapi adakah kita tau di sebalik kegembiraan itu apakah jenis kesedihan, keperitan dan kesakitan yang mereka lalui? 

Gembira melihat kebahagiaan orang lain. Tak mungkin dapat I rasa sama macam yang mereka rasa. Betul, ada lagi cita-cita dan mimpi yang yang belum dapat ku capai. Bahagia tengok orang lain dapat mencapai apa kemahuan mereka. Sedangkan diri belum lagi merasai nikmat itu. 

Suka, melihat perkahwinan orang. Suka, melihat rakan-rakan mengandung dan berperut comel. Suka, melihat mereka menyambut kelahiran anak. Suka, melihat rakan-rakan mengendong anak-anak mereka. Tapi, siapalah diri ini untuk merasai semua nikmat itu. Belum diizinkan Allah. Pasti ada rancangan lain lebih hebat untukku. 

Kegagalan yang lepas masih dirasai. Kesakitan yang lalu masih berdarah. Akan dapatkah ku rasa kebahagiaan yang selalu dimimpikan itu? 

Rasa gembira dan bahagia jika mempunyai anak sangat dinantikan selama ini. Tapi diri ini masih belum mampu, barangkali, untuk memiliki insan halus itu di dalam rahimku, seterusnya di dalam dakapanku, seterusnya di dalam jiwa ragaku dan kehidupanku sampai bila-bila. 

Mungkin belum masanya untukku dan SiDia.. 

Semoga rancangan kami seterusnya berjalan lancar, dipermudahkan segalanya dunia dan akhirat. Tidak ada jodoh kalau tidak dicari. Jika sudah bertemu, hargailah dengan sepenuh hati. Jangankan hanya ungkapan, "Saya sayang awak..." bermain di pinggir bibir. Walaupun ketakutan, trauma yang lalu melanda diriku tapi SiDia tetap tabah dan redha. Memang SiDia dilindungi Allah untuk menjadi kuat... Lalu, diriku yang lemah ini menjadi kagum terhadapnya.

"Semoga doa semua diangkat lalu Allah makbulkan.

Semoga kekal sehingga ke syurga.

Tinggalkan yang lalu.

Kita mula hidup baru."

Selalu doa ini dibisikkan olehnya kepadaku. Tak putus.. Bersama airmata lemahku yang juga tidak pernah putus bila mendengar ungkapan ini.

Mampukah diriku? 

"MAMPU!" bentaknya meyakinkan diri yang lemah ini..

Kenapa diriku masih lemah...? 

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah. 

Perkenankanlah.

I really want to be with you, till the end of our lives, till Jannah. No one else, but you. Show me what is happiness as you always whispered in my ears. Let us walk through the pain together, let us wipe our own tears and let us share the affliction together. No worry about others, they can see us, they can talk to us and they can guide us but they can never get what we feel inside. All the promises were tied together into our hearts. Don't ever loose it for others to see through what's inside. Because us, we meant to be together as long as we communicate well, full of patience, and being in love like we're just only knew each other yesterday :) 

insya Allah...

I Love My Partay Life!

And my party place too, with crazy friends and loud music. Sometimes with my family members and it makes me felt more secure. Of course with my SiDia. Can't leave him behind, ever. He is my bodyguard, my dance partner, my 'pole' and of course my waiter. No one can ever take care of me as good as he did.

Released! When it comes to our party time. We did planned the party, once. But it ended up with terrible problems, here and there. Later than that we learnt something, no plan at all, not more than 20 party people and last minute decision and it works! We always enjoyed the last minute planned and I'm looking forward to enjoy myself again and again.

Joe & Fizi Chillin'

Its happening in here, beybeh!

Dancing is good to boost up my metabolism. I'm sweating like having a shower when I dance. So do other people but they are not 'showered' like I do. Its good for my diet program, dance is included! One more thing, the confident level also goes up to the maximum when you dare, I dare, she dare to wore appropriate party attire. I'm sure u get what I mean.

This party life will be remembered. Gonna party all the way in my entire life. But surely it will flow consistently through my age well. Is it okay to wear a mini-skirt when I'm already 50? My promise, gonna quit soon, when the time is come :) 

Rootz, rockx! 

Life Unexpected

Meet my favourite TV series, LIFE UNEXPECTED. Meet also Baze (the handsome quarterback), Cate (beautiful co-host of a radio) and Lux (errr..Bug's girlfriend). 

One 'happy' family :)

We cannot expect life to be great, to be perfect, to be what we want to be. This is the lesson I've got from this series. We aimed to get something great, big but sometimes we can't aimed too high or the dream will lead us to frustrated. And I learnt from Baze and Cate that once I did wrong, I can't even turned back the time that I had faced. All the screwed was always a screwed, until you realized that not everyone can be lucky as you. Gosh, I've got so many things running here in my head about this series. I'm so over-excited when watching Life Unexpected. 

Baze's Dad wants that, Baze's Mom wants this, Cate's Mom was married with 5 men before and Cate's sister had something in her mind. What abput Lux? She's just 15 and she had been survived for her whole life. Now she's having her parents back and she had to adapt with the situation to believe that she has a family.

Its important to be firm on your decision. Its also important to be yourself without hurting anyone's feeling especially your family. Everyday you have to learn on new things that so called, LIFE. Do watch LIFE UNEXPECTED to learn on how to expect less in order for you to gain more in life. Nice series, I'm looking forward to have all the episodes for me to add it as my personal collection.

May Allah Bless You Always, Satasah

Tasha, you are Zafril's wife now! Quit all the craziness behind and start your new life. I'm happy for your wedding, you are not really alone now, though. You have someone to hold back while you are sleeping, you have someone watching you when you woke up every morning and you have someone's care when you are sick. The sacred relationship is belongs to you now, my dear Satasah :) No, I ain't cry on your wedding day but I'm crying now while typing these messages.

my beautiful Tasha and her husband, Zafril

We shared almost everything since 1982, which is the year we were born. We grew up together and we played the same game when we went to Opah's place during we were just a small kids. We live in our own dream when we ride on swings, sliding on the slide and run through the field at playground. Not only that, we slept on the same pillow and shared the same blanket. We ate together when we were hungry and our mom ask us to showered together, but, we were playing with foams. What a memories...

During our teenagers, we shared our party life together! I even wore Tasha's clothes and she wore my accessories. I knew all her boyfriends, so do Tasha. We laughed when stupidity came across our mind. I don't have good voices as Tasha, until she went to the audition, I was there giving her support, but she failed then but it was not the end. We were like sisters. So do, Nalynn, who took care of us well, as she is our big sister, till now, till eternity. Nothing can do us part, no one. 

I always pray for Tasha and Zafril, same goes to Nalynn and Aziz happiness in this world and hereafter. I'm happy whenever they are happy and I'm crying with them when they are sad or down. I hope Tasha is reading this although I know she's not. It's ok I'll just keep it to myself..

Dear Tasha,

Always remember my dear, when you do good things to people, especially to your family, it will come back to you. After all your prays, sacrifices, you deserves him and he suits you well, too. Allah wants you to afar from any suffering, enough for 30 years, you'll get a better life now. Be a good wife to Zafril, he needs you to be his other half, to be the mother of his kids. Get pregnant as fast as you both can, ok? I can't wait to see your baby. They might sweet as both you. Take a good care of your marriage and yourself as well. Obey your husband and trust me, don't ever fight with your in laws, its not good. Be patient, in case of there are hurdles in front of you, think smart but when you are about to fall off the cliff, remember to grab the rope and it will save you. As always, I will always be your rope, forever. I don't want you to fall. Just call me and I'll pull you off from falling. As long as I'm still alive in this world ;) I am sorry for what I have done wrong to you, I'm having my adulthood process, to be me now, to be your twin sister forever.

We were twins during our childhood, same face but different size :D hahaha

I LOVE BOTH YOU, SISTERS - my family, my life, my bittersweet...everything..

Now I know what is Tasha's feeling when I left her 5 years ago with my 'prince-charming-in-a-handsome-mask-but-have-black-heart-inside'... I feel alone now, thanks to my dear Hafizi for being there for me always but I still miss Tasha :'(